Oops, I did it again...

I watched Parenthood. And again, the damn writers & editors nailed it.

• The night before surgery to fight an unknown -- and unfelt -- demon. Not even knowing what the battle was for nor how to prepare for it.
• The getting of the news. And not so much what was heard, but what wasn't. Tonight's music drowned the voices. In real life, it's one's own thoughts that muddle any spoken word.
• The sharing of the future. It's going to be OK. Really? Hell, no. It doesn't feel like that. But it is. Wait, it only just might be. Or, it could be the worst possible outcome, too. It feels like all of those things. To have to choose to tell facts when the facts aren't how one feels, that's the hard part.

So, too, is watching Parenthood. I need to stop.

Damn Parenthood.

 

I don't even watch 'Parenthood'. I don't even know what time it's on. Or what channel. Yet tonight, after turning off a DVR'd show, there it was. It was a scene with the Six Feet Under husband and stunningly beautiful blonde wife sitting on a couch, definitely with someone looking to facilitate a conversation. I thought it looked like marriage counseling. Then It Hit:

"We can consider a lumpectomy to remove the cancer... it's going to be a tough year, but you are going to make it."

Really? A tough year? Understatement of the Century.

Even more of an understatement? That tonight is now going to be a tough night...

TBD

I have been working hard.
I have been working hard to Fuck Thyroid Cancer.
I have been working hard to work hard and work over this thing at the same time.
Hard work takes time; this time is no exception.

After undergoing iodine radiation therapy on 20-June, my full body scans the following week showed an anomoly in my left shoulder. My Endocronologist said it was something he'd never seen in his lifetime -- a metastasis with a pathology that read there was no way one could exist.

Well, as in all things with all of us, we are unique. In that way, I am no different. I am unique and rare. A metastasized nodule was confirmed in the humeral head of my left shoulder this past Wednesday.

At this point, the radiation may have been enough to take care of the thing. This remains unknown. And will remain so until my next scans in 6mos. "All things considered," he said, "we're in a good place. Just try not to worry until we run tests again in a few months."

So, that is my focus. That and figuring out what to do with my left shoulder now that they've also found two significant tears via the MRI! :)  A repaired right and now a torn & cancerous left. This must be the SuperPower I got from radiation! No pain! :)

The Crew

Oh Snap! I  love Big Al's!

This image makes me very happy.
Maybe I'm just seriously craving a cheesy goldfish.
Maybe I'm just missing the Paulsons -- Jesse's blue fish, Jace & Trey's sheet set.
Maybe I'm just wishing for times to be simple again.
Maybe, just maybe.

Some Lessons

I've gone through a host of motions & emotions these past few weeks: Ups, downs. Feel goods, feel don'ts. Some things are constant however: Copper's hip shake when I get home from work, the sun still rising, the feeling that the world doesn't know this rollercoaster, but I'm unfamiliar with other rides as well. As I've highlighted in any number of posts to Avid Reader in the past, it's this Space Between that is always familiar yet also so foreign at the same time. And that, I suppose, *is* the Space Between.

Here's what I've learned in the past few weeks:

• Save my hairline, I don't look or feel 39 years old.
• One should not schedule Dr. appts. during one's birthday week.
• I'm thankful to be an educated man going through what I am; and layman's terms in a Dr.'s office should be a must-have, not a nice-to-have.
• Kicking an iced vanilla latte every morning habit is easier done than said.
• I always knew my brother to be more emotional than he lets on; I was reminded.
• I desire time in NYC to reconnect with old friends and to have a place to go out to every night seemingly without a care in the world, though knowing we all had & still have them.
• Getting a good night's sleep is the key to this whole thing; my day is done by 4PM if I don't get 8+ hours/night
• I'm probably not as stressed about things as I should be, but I get out-of-the-blue saddened by them.
• And Copper's hips still shake when I get home from work regardless of how full or empty our respective days have been.

Prose to Poetry

Original DK Text:
Come on up to the office...
One beer and a little company won't kill you,
Though iodine might... Too soon?

In TM haiku:
One drink won't kill you,
But radiation sure can!
Um... is that too soon?